remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina is very pro this idea
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
