You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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