If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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