We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
