Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize