Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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