Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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