I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
