we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.