we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering