wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
