Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
