Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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