I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
