Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
