i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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