fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza