and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.