I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.