I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND