Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me