just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.