2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ