You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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