his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
