i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
