its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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