I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize