Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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