I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
