I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
