remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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