Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize