Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Congratulations! We have a period
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