Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
