I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
