i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?