I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me