trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
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Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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