This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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