i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
