How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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