Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize