that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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