so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
