dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize