it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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