Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
