who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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