I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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