swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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