Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
