there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
