i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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