You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
