He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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