dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize