His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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