Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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