Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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