I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize