And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
